A week has past in a blur, going from a phone call in the middle of the night where both parents assured me they’re ok, whilst I didn’t even know something had happened … over picking two shell shocked loved ones up from an earlier flight to nursing them back to health. Should it have sinked it? Should I be able to grasp it more?

I don’t know. I can see my parents fighting fever and wounds, I can hear them talking about their experiences, I can feel the deep emotions as they wash over them and me. All I do know is that despite the severity of what my parents went through, never did I freak, hide or give up. Odd, I didn’t know I had these qualities slumbering in me.

Usually I know when something is up with a loved one. Some kind of gut instinct alerts me. Yet on Friday evening? Nothing. I had a nice quiet evening cuddling with the dog and then headed to bed, blissfully ignorant my parents were fighting for survival along side thousands of people. “Time doesn’t exist” so perhaps the universal knowledge that they will be/are alright didn’t set off any alarm bells? If that be the case, I have just received even more proof to rely on my gut instinct. Whilst my brain was trying to find reasons to freak once I heard and then saw the news, my gut “knew” everything was ok (or as ok as it can be). My mother reports a similar experience where when she thought she faced the end she did not get any notion of it being so, the so-called “film” of life passing by or what not. She just stood alone with herself until her escape suddenly evolved out of nowhere. If the above is true then this is yet another proof of universal knowledge overruling what we believe to be true.

Another thing that I have noted on. Although we are all shocked at what happened, never did a word of blame cross our lips or our minds. Yes, the captain seems to have made mistakes, but likewise if he hadn’t made the decision to turn the ship back to the shore – I might not have had any parent to hug at the airport. Even more so, who are we to blame anyone not knowing fully what happened on the bridge. And even once we do? Do we know what we would have done in his shoes (with ot without the skills and knowledge of a captain)? Do we even know how we would handle such a life and death situation ourselves? My parents talk about their own reactions and those of others in a way that only one who has seen and lived it can and even they do not move in to point fingers of blame. The only grumbling you hear under this roof is about the actions of the cruise company as a whole.

The “why me” or “why us” question barely sees the light of day here as well. If at all, the answer is already available: a lesson to learn, a development to make, a point of understanding to be gained. Once more it is a question of whether we want to dwell on the negative (blaming, possible death, grudges) or rather focus on what we can take into the future. This doesn’t mean we skip off into the sunset and all is well that ends wel – there are papers to filled in, interviews and money matters. Perhaps I even needed this experience to truly understand these subtle differences, to understand myself and of course to be pushed into developing and acting.

All the while I am well aware that we are amongst the lucky. My heart goes out to everyone touched by this tradgey, whether passenger, relative, crew, locals, hotels and embassies who helped and even the captain and company. May each individual find the strength to move on, do what is necessary and right, as well as be able to look back and learn as we have done. More over, may anyone following the news be able to look past big print of the headlines and use this to learn about themselves and humankind and what they as individuals can do to help others and improve life.

I am neither baptised nor do I ascribe to one religion
What? So you’re an atheist?
No.
So you believe in a God?
Not in the general sense.
But? but … Ensue: spluttering, fish mouth, gaping eyes and similar.

If you want to find some moulds to help grasp where I come from here are a few:

Spiritualist
Student of (sacred) texts across culturals and religions
Belief of love being the central and highest force
Energy Worker

But those who have read some of my previous blog posts, might have already gathered I don’t fit into the typical cookie cutter moulds. And this post isn’t meant to layout my beliefs, but rather to show what an “oustider’s” life can be like, to convey some understanding and if possible be an eye opener.

Let me recount a little incident:

As an ensemble musician it is common to travel with the group to another town for a few days to play a concert. After x hours of traveling, it’s the usual routine of arriving, checking into our lodgings and then finding some place to eat before flopping onto the bed to prepare for a long day of rehearsals and concert. So, arriving late on a Friday evening I finally find myself around a big table with fellow ensemble members to “sample” some of the local cuisine. Me being me I don’t follow the majority who want to sample the rather heavy meat platters but decide to get a fish dish, so I don’t need ot sleep on a heavy stomach. On receiving my order an ensemble member jovially turns to me: “Fish? My, you’re an exemplarly Christian. Why, you’re the only one following the fish-on-Friday rule!” With a little wink I just replied: “Funny, seeing I’m neither Christian nor baptised”. Some others giggle along until the ensemble member has caught his breath, mockingly makes the sign of the cross and crosses his index fingers towards me as if to ward of the devil. What had promised to develop into warm laughter around us, immediately plunged into defeaning silence.

Am I bitter about this incident? No. I feel sorry for this person. Yet all the same it is uncomfortable to be on the receiving end of comments, jokes or even accusations. A friend once asked timidly whether I belonged to a secret sect, because she couldn’t grasp my “difference”. How do you respond to that other than an unsatisfactory “no I’m not”.

And yet I have come to realise that hiding away from such confrontations is not the answer either. Why should I be ashamed? Why shouldn’t I be different? A few weeks ago a blog article underlined this even more for me – some of you might even have read it, as it made the rounds via social networking: I’m Christan, unless you’re gay. Here is the passage that shook me awake:

Why is it that sometimes the most Christlike people are they who have no religion at all?

I have known a lot of people in my life, and I can tell you this… Some of the ones who understood love better than anyone else were those who the rest of the world had long before measured as lost or gone. Some of the people who were able to look at the dirtiest, the poorest, the gays, the straights, the drug users, those in recovery, the basest of sinners, and those who were just… plain… different…

They were able to look at them all and only see strength. Beauty. Potential. Hope.

And if we boil it down, isn’t that what love actually is?

Don’t get me wrong. I know a lot of incredible Christians, too. I know some incredible Buddhists and Muslims and Hindus and Jews.  I know a lot of amazing people, devout in their various religions, who truly love the people around them.

I also know some atheist, agnostic, or religionless people who are absolutely hateful of believers. They loathe their religious counterparts. They love only those who believe (or don’t believe) the same things they do.

In truth, having a religion doesn’t make a person love or not love others. It doesn’t make a person accept or not accept others. It doesn’t make a person befriend or not befriend others.

Being without a religion doesn’t make somebody do or be any of that either.

No, what makes somebody love, accept, and befriend their fellow man is letting go of a need to be better than others.

It reminded me of friends accepting me, despite my being different, despite not having received a single drop of scared water on my body to claim me as part of a group. It reminded me of friends who turn to me for support and insight even if I do not give this within the paradigm of their beliefs. It reminded me, that though I am an outsider, I am different, I allow myself to accept and love anyone no matter what their background is or what they call themselves. Am I saying I’m ‘Christlike’? That is not for me to judge, but I guess it is something I strive for, even though I do not subscribe to the or a Christian faith per se.

If I hide away not to be hurt by another’s ignorance I gain nothing, perhaps I even create more pain – to me and others. In hiding I can neither be who I am nor can I really offer what I have to give. Thankfully, I do not live somewhere where being different is punishable, so I might as well stand by it and live it. I do not know whether the ensemble member, I mentioned above, ever realised what he did, but how can I even offer him a chance to learn and evolve if I do not offer this kind of confrontation?

Ok, so you are thoughtful and put on that oxygen mask first, doublecheck your footing and act the good samaritan. Yet have you also considered the psychological side of it? Take a moment to recall what happens when a friend phones or comes by for a chat and they are down in the dumps. You listen to their tale as they talk the heaviness off of their heart, you offer a hug, a pat on the back an “I’m so sorry”. Your friend leaves or hangs up feeling a bit better but how do you feel? Taken unaware you have not only given kind words and gestures but a huge chunk of your energy – you flop down in your chair deflated, perhaps even feeling the friend has talked the problem off of their heart and onto your shoulders. But that’s what friends are for, right?

If this keeps on repeating some go coldhearted or even avoid the friend seeking help others get dragged down into the mudpool with the friend or find themselves yapping for air, because their oxygen mask hangs there lonely and forgotten. Neither is good or necessary. Evenmore so, think of people who help not only friends but make it their living in being a medic, lawyer, policeman or similar. They are confronted with emotions and tough stories on a daily basis and if they forget their oxygen mask with one they jepoardise not only themselves and the current client but perhaps many more along the line.

So, what do we do? Lock our heart, throw away the key and jump into a bulletproof capsule? Funnily enough, there are easy techniques and aids to support the helper.

• Privacy rules – the double edged sword: Many helping professions have some form of privacy or non-disclosure rules. On face value this guards the clients privacy, yet it can also be used to guard the helper. If one recounts the tragic story of another to friends and/or family one is not only dwelling on it but spreading the sadness. It receives more and more attention instead of  us putting all the effort in helping the person regain balance. However, the privacy rule should not be a “now you told me so let me add this to the pile of stuff on my shoulders” either. More over we need to find a “privy place” to store it just like we do with the private files that go behind lock and key.
• The door between work and home: Most of us have physical distance between “work” and “home” and this should also be done on a mental level. Some accomplish this by changing in and out of their “work clothes”, others need more. Again not talking or thinking about work related issues at home helps build the mental barrier, yet you can also link this to physical actions like shutting the office door. You have closed the door therefore you are now again a private person separate from the worries and issues that are dealt with on the other side of that door.
• Visualisation: This is perhaps our strongest weapon. Imagine yourself engulfed in a cocoon of white light, glowing armour, colourful orb or what gives you the feeling of a positive energy field to guard you. Like this you enable yourself to still be the friend/helper/professional, be caring (postive force field) and yet not sap yourself of your own energy. At the same time you offer the person a positive environment, perhaps even the figurative ray of hope.

Next time your friend calls in need of support give it a go and imagine yourself engulfed in your positive force field. Then when you hang up consciously cut the link (close the door) and respect their privacy in turning your mind to other matters. Are you still yapping for air? slipping around the mudpool? Or do you feel ready to take on the next challenge with a smile?

A little over a year ago I finally gave in and made myself find some quiet time everyday. No matter how much was going on, I resolved to put everything aside, albeit it for just 5 minutes, and meditate or just sit. No distractions – no worries – no clock ticking its tattle tale about wasting precious minutes.

At first it was just nice to sit down and regain some composure from being hectic. Yes, *being* – before long I realised that it is not life but myself that is hectic. I am the one looking at that clock or to-do list and thus I am the one creating the pressure and hectic behaviour. Sitting down for daily meditations allows me to rediscover balance, sort through thoughts that have been nagging me for the last day perhaps even vent pent up emotions.

After a couple of months I noticed another change though: Though I was giving up time of my day I was starting to get more done. I was no longer burnt out an hour or more before my work day ended, what is more I even found myself rescheduling my work day to start earlier, adding an extra 2 or more hours per day. I was spending time “doing nothing” and in return I was both more balanced and at ease as well as earning more money.

Stepping back and looking at the change one could interpret this as a kind of bank system: you put in some time and are rewarded by some extra profit in the form of energy you can put towards your work, health and so on. Closer to it comes down to the basic principle of taking care of one’s body, mind and soul. Our life style invites us to completely forget about our core needs and just like a neglected child they will try to grab our attention: body parts get tense, emotions rebel selfimposed constraints and thoughts keep us up at night.

Has life become less hectic? There is still just as much to do and goodness knows I can still be found doing things last minute or having to fess up that I miscalculated. However, thanks to being more focussed and balanced I seem to be able to handle more strain as well as catch the tell tale signs much sooner that I might crack under some weight if I am not careful.

Overall though I could not ask for a better deal: I offer up some of these precious minutes and in return receive much more in return. And I wouldn’t be surprised if this worked for many many others out there as well.

When I drive to the village where I teach some 15 minutes from where I live, I pass 15 crucifixes on the way (not counting any in the two cemeteries I pass). Living in the heart of a catholic area it’s common to see crucifixes at the side of roads entering/leaving communities as well as throughout the communities and even in open countryside. It took me years to be able to walk past a crucifix without having to force myself to look away or feel my gut clenching at the sight. Where at first I thought it was just the image that made me uncomfortable, looking into deeper symbology of the various cross depictions I’ve come to realise there is more to this reaction. What message lines alongside the streets here religious understanding and tradition aside?The protestant cross is “empty” whilst the catholic cross depicts the corps. Apart from the traditions behind this difference there is a strong symbolical difference. The first is the cross after the death, death is overcome the world and life moves on. The latter is the cross of death, the world continues in death and its suffering. Imagine what an alien, who does not know about the earth religions or its history, visiting this region would think when seeing sculpture after sculpture on the streets depicting a man nailed to a cross. What impression does our visitor get of the people living there? Do these people embrace and enjoy life or rather dread death and suffering? A dear friend of mine has said a couple of times ‘He’s been hanging there for 2000 years, it’s time they took him down’ and I have to agree. I do not mean to say that basing a belief on the death and resurrection of a figure is the issue but rather the dwelling on the death in this central symbolic gesture. Lining the streets to such an extent that even non-Christians have no chance but to be reminded of being on “catholic territory”. Perhaps they’re even being drawn into the sombre aura of suffering it emits on face value.

There is also another side to this: Religious tradition sees this man as a great teacher and healer. A true teacher guides their student through walking along side them, guiding them, holding and supporting them when and where needed. The crucifix shows him with his hands and feet, his “tools” of walking, holding and supporting, incapacitated and maimed. Healing utilises the energy chakras in hands and feet, again these are maimed here. In many cases teaching and healing go hand in hand or are even interchangeable. Furthermore, his side is pierced, which, following the line of the entry wound, could be seen as his heart chakra being pierced – the chakra embodying love and compassion, the basis on which true teachers and healers work. Looking at the image from that perspective he is depicted not only in his lowest moment but also in the position where his ability to teach and heal are cancelled out figuratively. What’s more, someone in suffering cannot help another. Someone who has overcome it (the above mentioned empty cross) however, has regained their balance and the capacity to offer help. Even more so, having suffered and/or struggled themselves they have a foundation of understanding they can build on in their endeavours to teach and heal.

Don’t get me wrong here – I see him as this great teacher and healer. But exactly because of this the repeated image of him being depicted on the cross is what does not resonate for me. More and more people I talk to say they want to be remember as they lived, not as they died. Yes, the Christian belief hinges on this moment, but without him being the great teacher and healer (and many other things) he embodies, his death could not hold this such deeply layered symbolism. Should one focus on the man on the cross if one seeks to ask for help, guidance and healing or rather depict/envision a man ready to answer, capable to move over and stand by you, help you, guide you? Or should one understand this depiction in a way that the one turning to it (in contemplation, prayer or meditation) prefers an incapacitated “listener” who cannot step into the teacher/healer position, which offers the safety of talking one heart out without the daunting idea of being taught, healed or guided towards or change?

That last statement will have caused some angry out cries. I warned you at the onset that I’m going into uncomfortable grounds here for some people. This post might leave you feeling angry, shaken, thoughtful or ready to just forget about this and move on. It is up to you how you view and take these thoughts. I accept your opinions with no ifs or buts as I did before and will continue to do in future.